


Father

by tarry_on



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Anyways, Ficlet, Parent-Child Relationship, critical role - Freeform, his character is really interesting to me??, honestly i just wanted to write about syldor, i have no idea what to tag this, sad(ish), sorta a character study
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-23
Updated: 2017-02-23
Packaged: 2018-09-26 10:49:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9891416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tarry_on/pseuds/tarry_on
Summary: Just a quick sorta exercise I did about Syldor after the everything with the Chroma Conclave.





	

He was with Velora and Devana playing a game when he is taken aside to be told of Thordak's death and their deeds.

The tightness around his chest that had entered ever since their encounter began to subside once he learns that all of the members of Vox Machina have lived. He sends the messenger off with a sharp acknowledgement and a nod before making his way into his study where he collapses into the nearest chair.

 

Letting his guard down is not a luxury that he affords himself but in this moment, it is all he can do to not break down into tears. He closes his eyes and inhales deeply over and over again, trying to calm his racing heart. It beats out a rhythm again and again and again. _Alive, alive, alive._ In his hysteria, he might have embraced them if they were near. 

It is that thought that pulls him into sobriety since he knows that that would be impossible.

 

In a different time, that would not have been the case. 

In another time, he remembers their young faces as the carriage made its way to Syngorn, their eyes wide in awe and surprise at the sight of the city. Their wariness towards him. He remembers reassuring them, telling them of how they would love their new home. Of how they were safe with him. Of how he loved them. In another time, he would have played with them. He would have trained them both, teaching them everything he knew. They would have had friends, tutors. People that loved and cared and supported them. Whenever their heritage was poked fun at, they would have had him to protect them and to scoff at those that would dare treat them unfairly. In another time, they would have stayed with him. In another time, he was the father they needed him to be and they were his children.

 

But what is done is done and he cannot claim them now. This is not that time and never will be and all he can remember now is his own face plastered onto Vex'ahlia's, tears streaming down her face as she spat to him of her wish to rid himself from her.

He had once wished that that was possible. That he could remove every trace of himself from them both. He sees himself in her. Stubborn and guarded. Everything else is her mother. 

He still wishes that it was possible. He had once wished it for himself so that he could remove the shame and move on with his life and career. Now he wishes it for them. He wishes that Elaina was the only part of them. She had always been so much better than him. Gentle where he was sharp. Warm where he was cold. They had deserved to have her as a mother.

But to have him as a father?

To him, that was Fate's greatest slight to them both.

 

But there is nothing else that he can do. He cannot correct Fate or have her change her ways and so he picks himself up from his chair and walks over to the door of his study to try and be a father once again.


End file.
